Video: 6 vs. 9

Hey Enneagram friends!  After quite the gap, I’ve finally posted another YouTube Enneagram Girl video, this time examining some recent nuances I’ve noticed about misidentification between 6 and 9!  I touch on some of the differences, similarities, health paths and even venture into correlation with MBTI a bit! 😉

Check it out, and feel free to ask questions if you have any!  I hope to be creating more and more videos in the months to come, so keep an eye out.

Video: 6 vs. 9

Enneagram Girl on YouTube!

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Hey Enneagram friends!  I’m excited to say that my vision of extending this blog onto another medium has finally come to fruition!  Initially, I thought I would go for a Podcast, but came to the conclusion that the visual element does bring quite a bit of value and depth to teaching.  I hope you will join me over there at the Enneagram Girl Channel, as I continue to unpack and investigate topics of identity, personality, relational dynamics and psychology with this awesome tool that we call The Enneagram!

If you have enjoyed by info-graphics and written breakdown of these things, you won’t be dissapointed!  I’m already playing around with some really fun ways to include those graphic elements in the videos— you can see a bit of it even in the Intro video that I just posted. 🙂

Have suggestions, questions or a video idea that you want to share?  Feel free to reach out to me at Enneagramgirl@yahoo.com

Peace + Hope,

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Enneagram Girl on YouTube!

Eternal Study

I started this blog mostly because I have an insatiable desire to understand people (myself included)– who they are underneath masks and first impressions, what their mask is made of and if they even know they are wearing it. How much nurture and nature contribute to these things, and in what ways?  My mind’s supply of these questions never ends.

Several weeks ago, my Mom and I were driving back from a Mother’s Day morning at a vintage and antiques market, and on the way passed my childhood church. I hadn’t been there since I was 7, and yet, recognized it immediately (even noting that the rusty, ancient playground set had been taken down). That moment, like so many others, launched me into a frenzy of thought over how I remembered that so clearly, and what determines a person’s rate/accuracy of recollection– even, how that might be tied to personality.

Study of the Enneagram has given me such a great tool with which to pursue these questions, and even after almost five years, I’m still observing and studying on a daily basis.  It blows my mind to bits to encounter person after person, that see this system simply as a fun quiz, or conversely as a means of stereotyping themselves or others. Either perspective skips past the balanced place that uses the Enneagram as a lens with which to see the behaviors of self and others through– a lens that reveals the why.

Humanity is full of rich and interesting characters, but still I’ve found that the Enneagram applies to each one I’ve seen or known.  That’s pretty crazy, definitely not something I would have believed when first introduced to “The Wisdom of The Enneagram”. In truth, though, God loves patterns and systems– science, history and mathematics are all chock full of them. It stands to reason that our lives and personal identities would too. Our responsibility is merely to see those patterns, find out what they mean, and respond differently because of them.

Though I’ll surely continue writing here, I’ve been encouraged several times of late to consider starting an Enneagram Girl podcast— I’m a lover of words, written and spoken, but there are times that I’ve realized the overwhelming benefit of spoken words. Specifically the numerous times that I’ve been explaining Enneagram in writing to a person, and then reach the point of, “Argh. I’ll need to explain the rest of this in person.” Maybe it’s how much longer it takes to type, than to speak?  Each form has its benefit to be sure, but in the coming month, I’ll be looking into starting a podcast!  I hope that if you’ve enjoyed my writing about the Enneagram, here, that you’ll check out the audio version if/when it comes to fruition. You’ll know either way, because I’ll surely post about it here!

And so, the eternal study continues. 🙂

Eternal Study

Enneagram Core Type Gatherings

 

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Hello friends!  My absence this past month or so has been because something is in the works!  Remember when I said that I eventually wanted to continue the participant based Enneagram study that I began with my Enneagram Photo Project?  Well, the time has come for the next segment: Enneagram Core Type Gatherings!

I will be holding nine different workshops over the next handful of months, for core-specific conversation and teaching! Because of space, and a desired level of depth, groups will be capped at seven participants for each core type.  During our time together, we will make time for peer-sharing of experiences, talk specifically about how to recognize healthy and unhealthy flags in the everyday, and investigate how your core type can better handle conflict with specific other Enneagram types!

Interested in more info about this, or other Enneagram events, study or teaching that I have on deck?  I’m trying to be responsible and send out news on such, so sign up for updates in the info bar on the upper right! 🙂

Enneagram Core Type Gatherings

Misidentification: 3 + 8

misid_38Let’s talk about the movers and shakers of the Enneagram, shall we?  This misidentification is extremely common, especially among men– I personally have witnessed the phenomenon more times than I have fingers.  Yes, for real.

Even the words “Achiever” and “Challenger” are somewhat kindred in meaning.  Both 3s and 8s are people who get things done, and expect the same of others.  Both types come across as confident, self focused and in control, they tend to be blessed with leadership skills and presence.  This, however, is where we reach a decided fork in the road.  On the inside (which few truly see, for either type), Achievers and Challengers are completely different animals.

While 3s and 8s both like to win, this is with very different motivations.  Achievers live to win (and win others over), be the best and succeed because they believe they are unworthy of love if they don’t. Challengers on the other hand, win only as a side effect of their focus on survival, by dominating anything that (they perceive) would threaten them. 3s live to gain approval from others, 8s live to have absolute power and generally don’t care about approval or “likeability”.

Other marked differences are these: 3s are image focused people, who take care with their presentation to others– in appearance/style, in word, in reputation.  Conversely, 8s are body/action focused individuals who generally give little thought to how they are perceived. Achievers are people oriented and desire approval, Challengers are independent and desire power.  3s achieve success often by charming and winning over others, while 8s achieve success by controlling the environment and sadistically leveling the playing field.  Both types are “self serving”; 3s through manipulation, deception and charm, 8s through domination, intimidation and force of will. Achievers are often called “chameleons” as they are great adaptors to what others desire from them– this may also explain part of why many male 3s mistake themselves for 8s.

One fascinating comparison that I sometimes use when discussing the differences between these types: Oral Narcissism vs. Phallic Narcissism.  3s have the tendencies of Oral Narcissism– verbally self promoting and giving voice to their many achievements. Achievers can be quite the “name droppers” in this way, hoping to gain the admiration of others and be valued for their achievements. 8s on the other hand exemplify traits of Phallic Narcissism, choosing to demonstrate or show their superiority rather than tell about it. In this way, Challengers can be perceived as bullies or thugs because they dominate through action, in their attempt to survive those that might try to control them.

As aforementioned, because of their loss of true identity, 3’s are much more prone to this mistype than 8’s.  For more information on this topic, check out the Enneagram Institute’s overview of the differences between any two types.

As with any type misidentification, one of the best tools to determine accuracy are the other components of type: integration when health focused, disintegration when under stress, and even wings. 3 and 8 have very different health journeys, and stress points. You can read more about them here: 3 | 8.

Have questions? Feel free to leave a comment or shoot me an email at enneagramgirl@yahoo.com, and tune in next time for my misidentification post on types 2 and 6.

 

Misidentification: 3 + 8

Misidentification: 1 + 6

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Honor is one of the strongest parallel themes in Loyalists and Reformers, both holding themselves to that lofty ideal, but with very different motivations.  Both 1 and 6 individuals tend to consider themselves *thinking-prone people of practical reason, and can have anger tendencies.

From there the differences and answer to the question “why?” are vast.  Reformers seek justice, honor and correctness out of a desire to see our broken world righted– they are idealists at heart, so their anger and tendency to desire control comes from a standpoint of disappointment or heartbreak at the state of “wrong” around and within them.  1 individuals answer to this internal sense of rightness, that some Enneagram texts refer to as “a judge” holding them to standards of perfection.  The dilemma then, of course, is for Reformers to separate themselves from this “judge”, to realize that they are included in the flawed state of our world (not a righteous exception to it).

In complete contrast, Enneagram 6 answers to an external sense of justice and security– this authority can be a friend group, a company, certain brand names or styles, religious structure, union or gang.  To some extent, Loyalists surrender their own responsibility to judgement (decision making) in order to feel the security of said group/entity choosing for them.  To maintain that safe feeling, 6s will defend those they are “loyal” to, regardless of right or wrong.  Conversely, 1s value correctness over personal ties.

A note on the anger that can be seen in both Reformers and Loyalists, 1s are called “frustrated”, while 6s are called “reactive”.  These are different kinds of anger, coming from different sources.  Frustration for a Reformer comes from a place of desiring control over a situation, person, etc. while still trying to wear the “good person” hat.  The term “8 in chains” is one of my favorites when describing this trait: while an Enneagram 8 would give themselves over to unbridled anger, 1s attempt to restrain themselves to satisfy the aforementioned “judge” (or inner concept of “good”).  This manifests as frustrated passive aggression, but does eventually boil over into anger.  A Loyalist’s reactivity on the other hand, is fueled more by anxiety or insecurity than anything else, and manifests generally in Fight or Flight– either suddenly fleeing from a situation, or an inflated, “loose cannon” attempt to go to bat with the perceived threat.  Both 1 and 6 can be called “hot headed” or “temperamental”, but with very different themes motivating their anger.

As always, if you are attempting to make a type conclusion, the aspects of health (integration/disintegration) for each type, and its wings can be very helpful.  If you’d like to discuss specifics, or learn more about misidentification, feel free to reach out to me at enneagramgirl@yahoo.com! 🙂  Tune in next time for my next misidentification write up, on 8 + 3.

*Loyalists actually are “head types”, while Reformers only feel like it (because they are really “gut types” going by instincts).  Interestingly enough, both 6s and 1s tend to be found on both sides of the MBTI T/F divide– whether that has anything to do with misidentification, is a thought I’ve entertained. 😉

Misidentification: 1 + 6